When it comes to relationship dynamics, couples are always looking for ways to spice things up, connect, or just have fun together. One trend that’s been popping up lately is the “smash or pass” game—a lighthearted activity where people decide whether they’d hypothetically pursue someone (“smash”) or not (“pass”). But should couples actually play this together? Let’s break it down.
First, let’s talk about what the game really involves. At its core, “smash or pass” is a judgment-based icebreaker. Players are shown images of people (often celebrities, fictional characters, or random individuals) and make snap decisions about attraction. While it sounds harmless, introducing this into a relationship can have unintended consequences. For example, openly discussing attraction to others might trigger insecurity, even if the people in question are strangers or entirely fictional. On the flip side, some couples find it empowering to explore their boundaries and communication styles through playful scenarios.
Research suggests that games encouraging open dialogue can strengthen relationships—but only if both partners feel safe and respected. A 2019 study published in the *Journal of Social and Personal Relationships* found that couples who engage in low-stakes, humorous activities together report higher levels of trust and satisfaction. The key is ensuring the game doesn’t cross into territory that feels competitive, judgmental, or overly personal. For instance, if one partner constantly “passes” on people who resemble their significant other, it could spark unnecessary anxiety.
Another factor to consider is intent. Are you playing to laugh together, or is there an underlying motive? Relationship coach Dr. Emily Johnson notes, “Games like ‘smash or pass’ can reveal a lot about how couples handle jealousy, honesty, and vulnerability. If approached with humor and mutual consent, it might even deepen understanding. But if it becomes a way to test each other’s loyalty or provoke reactions, it’s a recipe for conflict.”
Let’s get real for a second. Imagine you’re playing smash or pass with your partner. You’re both swiping through images, laughing at ridiculous choices, and maybe even teasing each other about questionable taste. In this scenario, the game acts as a bonding tool. But if one person starts fixating on who their partner chooses—or worse, comparing themselves to those choices—the fun evaporates fast. It’s all about context and emotional safety.
So, how can couples navigate this? Setting ground rules is crucial. Agree on whether real people (like exes or mutual friends) are off-limits. Stick to fictional characters or celebrities to keep things impersonal. Also, check in regularly. A simple “You good?” mid-game can prevent misunderstandings. And if either person feels uncomfortable, pause immediately. No game is worth sacrificing emotional well-being.
Interestingly, some therapists recommend modified versions of such games to help couples discuss attraction in a healthy way. Instead of focusing on physical traits, partners might use the format to talk about personality qualities they admire. For example, “Would you ‘smash’ someone who’s a great listener, or ‘pass’ on someone who’s overly critical?” This shifts the conversation from superficial judgments to shared values.
But let’s not ignore the digital elephant in the room: apps and online platforms that gamify these interactions. While they can add structure to the experience, they also risk normalizing objectification. It’s worth asking: Does casually judging strangers’ appearances align with your relationship’s values? If you’re both comfortable with it, fine—but stay mindful of how it affects your dynamic over time.
In the end, whether couples should play “smash or pass” boils down to self-awareness and communication. If you’re both secure enough to laugh it off and move on, it might be a fun way to kill time. But if there’s any lingering doubt, resentment, or sensitivity, steer clear. There are plenty of other games—like trivia, cooperative video games, or even cooking challenges—that foster teamwork without the potential landmines.
One thing’s for sure: Every relationship is unique. What works for one couple might backfire for another. The best advice? Know your limits, respect each other’s boundaries, and prioritize trust above any trend. After all, a strong relationship isn’t built on games—it’s built on genuine connection.